December 28, 2006

THE Chuck Norris List



Below are a few Chuck Norris 'witticisms' I found floating around the Internet. I'm pretty sure 99% percent of it is true. People wouldn't make this stuff up:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

I once heard Chuck Norris shot down a German fighter plane just by pointing his finger in its direction and shouting the word, bang.

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